The First

The first Christmas without dad...it was a strange day...but I guess it is supposed to be. I kept myself busy, here in Michigan, in hopes of not having a meltdown infront of my husband's family. I almost succeeded too, until I talked with Missy...I think she is finally starting to grieve and today it hit her. And so, we cried for a little and just enjoyed each other's presence, allbeit, over the phone.

Actually, I'm glad we weren't home for Christmas. I think I would have been a basket case there. Traditions were changing due to evergrowing families, locations were shuffled, Ray wasn't able to come home, mom preparing for surgery, etc....would have been too much for me to handle all at once. Yes, I'm glad we are here ...in the cold, snow, unfamiliar to the every day life for me. The kids are having a ball, and have decided they want to live back where it snows. There was snow on the ground when we arrived and we got to enjoy it for one day before eveything began to freeze. We had a winter advisory for Christmas Eve due to the ice, but then today, everything melted. It is to snow the next two days and we are hoping to take the kids sledding. Being busy with it "all being new" to the kids has helped with the grieving depression. Hearing their little voices sing and laugh help keep things in perspective for me.

So, the First Christmas has now come and gone, and I'm glad it is behind me. Yes, I was sad. Yes, I was depressed. But the fact still remains...Christmas isn't about "feelings" or family for that matter, but about a baby...born in a manger...all because of the cross to come. Yes, it was my first Christmas without my dad, but Praise God, it was his first Christmas with Jesus!!! Yes, I honestly believe that. I honestly believe, and saw, the change in my dad before the dementia completely took over. Thank you Jesus for coming to make a way for my dad to FINALLY spend a Christmas with the One it is all about. I just wished he could have experienced you here, in front of his family...with his family. Things could have been so different...but I am praising you that things are different for him now.