We launch our new church campus, Calvary North, this Sunday. Chaos fills the air as the staff scurries around trying to tie up loose ends before the opening day. In the midst of the business of "the endless list of to dos" I stopped by Sonic with a dear co-worker for a "pick-me-up coke." For 15 minutes, we took a time out to just breathe...to vent some frustrations, to laugh about the stress, and to encourage one another as we know this is a great thing getting ready to happen...and to think...God wanted to bless us by putting us in the middle of it all. God has given me a great new friendship with this coworker...she is quirky, she is sincere, and above all, one of the most influential people I have ever met. Her wittiness brings laughter to me all of the time and for that...I'm grateful!
Lord, thank you for my dear friend. Bless her in her ministry. God you know she loves our church and the families that are going to fill the new facility. Thank you for giving us a moment to breathe in the midst of all of the chaos today...good chaos, but chaos nonetheless. I give thanks for calling me to work for Calvary North. I'm excited to see big dreams come true!
Monday, January 10, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
January 9, 2011: Sweet Husband of Mine
Today was a busy, busy, day, as most of our Sunday's normally are. With Paul's new work schedule, we haven't really been able to talk much lately and I left for work while he left for a deacon's meeting. I communicated by text that mom was having some weird chest pains and was admitted to the hospital.
When I called my mother's hospital room, I found my husband there...visiting his mother-in-law. After his meeting, he had another one for work (off site) and then stopped by to see her before heading on into the plant. What a guy...I mean I didn't have to ask or prompt him. Him showing love towards my "mama" shows just how much he loves me.
Thank you Lord for giving me a husband who loves my mama. I'm so grateful that you kept us for each other. Bless him tonight as he works...keep him safe both at the plant and on his drive home. Bless him for taking time out of his busy day to share God's love with my family. He truly is one of a kind....his love alone makes everyday extraordinary!
When I called my mother's hospital room, I found my husband there...visiting his mother-in-law. After his meeting, he had another one for work (off site) and then stopped by to see her before heading on into the plant. What a guy...I mean I didn't have to ask or prompt him. Him showing love towards my "mama" shows just how much he loves me.
Thank you Lord for giving me a husband who loves my mama. I'm so grateful that you kept us for each other. Bless him tonight as he works...keep him safe both at the plant and on his drive home. Bless him for taking time out of his busy day to share God's love with my family. He truly is one of a kind....his love alone makes everyday extraordinary!
Saturday, January 8, 2011
January 8, 2011: A Skip Away!
We spent the morning and early afternoon with mom...we had a wonderful time running errands for her, shopping with her, and of course dining with her. She had an enjoyable day too...something good to see and hear from her. It alone, is a blessing for today and made today special.
My extra-ordinary moment came this evening. The kids were not on their best behavior today, and I was a little put out. Okay, a LOT put out...so much, I was angry with them. I just want them to obey the first time. I get so tired of them pushing me to my limit. Hmmmm...guess I taught them how to do that. Well, if that isn't convicting! Anyway, Keaton is my child whom I butt heads with the most, probably because her will is so much like mine. She is a sweetheart, but when she is mad, she is MAD! (conviction again!) She got so mad today because all three of them had lost their privilege of going to the park-something they were so looking forward to. Her anger and attitude cost her a trip to her room where she breathed words of discontentment under her breath. After a 30-minute break she came to the kitchen a new child, asked for a drink of water, and then turned and skipped away happy as could be. Wow...if I could only change my attitude that easy. Now, this post just has conviction written all of it!!!
What made that moment so special for me was to see the innocence that comes with childhood. It seems like a hop, skip, or jump, automatically makes everything better. Those joyful moments scream of a child who is happy...a child BEING a child...a child not having to deal with the pressures of real life. A child who still has the blessings of not HAVING to grow up too fast. Life was different for me, and although I can remember some fun times, I can't remember many.
I was so blessed to see my child skipping to her destination...so blessed to see how God is so good to me!
Thank you Lord for showing me what a happy childhood looks like through the simple act of a skip. Thank you for giving us security in you. Thank you for giving us a life that allows our children to feel secure....not one that hinders them with financial worries, illness, alcohol addiction, or abandonment.
You ARE a GREAT God!
My extra-ordinary moment came this evening. The kids were not on their best behavior today, and I was a little put out. Okay, a LOT put out...so much, I was angry with them. I just want them to obey the first time. I get so tired of them pushing me to my limit. Hmmmm...guess I taught them how to do that. Well, if that isn't convicting! Anyway, Keaton is my child whom I butt heads with the most, probably because her will is so much like mine. She is a sweetheart, but when she is mad, she is MAD! (conviction again!) She got so mad today because all three of them had lost their privilege of going to the park-something they were so looking forward to. Her anger and attitude cost her a trip to her room where she breathed words of discontentment under her breath. After a 30-minute break she came to the kitchen a new child, asked for a drink of water, and then turned and skipped away happy as could be. Wow...if I could only change my attitude that easy. Now, this post just has conviction written all of it!!!
What made that moment so special for me was to see the innocence that comes with childhood. It seems like a hop, skip, or jump, automatically makes everything better. Those joyful moments scream of a child who is happy...a child BEING a child...a child not having to deal with the pressures of real life. A child who still has the blessings of not HAVING to grow up too fast. Life was different for me, and although I can remember some fun times, I can't remember many.
I was so blessed to see my child skipping to her destination...so blessed to see how God is so good to me!
Thank you Lord for showing me what a happy childhood looks like through the simple act of a skip. Thank you for giving us security in you. Thank you for giving us a life that allows our children to feel secure....not one that hinders them with financial worries, illness, alcohol addiction, or abandonment.
You ARE a GREAT God!
New Year...Capturing the Small Things
2011. My mother says time goes by faster the older you get. That sure seems true these last couple of years. People die, friendships change, and kids grow up. Of course I've realized that maybe I'm just too busy this year, this month, this week, ...TODAY to notice all of the little things that make life worth remembering...that make it worthy of "slowing down."
This is my resolution for 2011...to take time to enjoy the small things: those small things that could be embedded in everyday life that make it special. ...those small things that could make my ordinary day, an extraordinary day! I know some days it will be obvious what "it" was, and other days I'm sure I will have to look for it. But I'm trusting it is there...I'm trusting that the Lord loves me so much that HE wants my every day to be extraordinary...it's just up to me to find it!
So, with that being said...I will start with today, although a week behind already. :) Paul started his new position with ExxonMobil tonight and the kids and I were able to go visit with my mom. She has been really sick since dad died, and to be quite honest it is sometimes hard to discern if it is truly physical or emotional. Whatever the reason, she doesn't feel well most of the time. Tonight, however, was different. She looked good and was feeling good. We so enjoyed our time together...I love to see her interact with the kids. I love to see her gently pat the kids on the shoulders, arms, or whatever she can reach ...you know, that sweet, little pat that tells them she loves them. I love to see their laughter as they relate to one another. Caleb is full of questions about when she was a little girl and she has said that tomorrow we will get the "box of pictures" down and go through them. She seems amazed at how big Bailey has gotten and how she worries over how Bailey is going to eat with all of the teeth she has lost. :) And then there is Keaton...she truly adores Keaton, and I know Keaton feels the same towards her MawMaw. They share a special bond.
The kids and I will go back and take her shopping tomorrow...as long as she is feeling well. We are even hoping to get in a picnic at the park...the kids are so excited to have MawMaw attend, and I think she is too. :) I know I am!!!
Dear Lord,
Thank you for today...a beautiful day...a day my mother felt well. Thank you for my children and the relationship she has with each of them. You know it was my prayer that my kids would be able to have the chance to really get to know her. Thank you for the simple, BEAUTIFUL evening we had with her tonight. You have blessed me so!!!!
This is my resolution for 2011...to take time to enjoy the small things: those small things that could be embedded in everyday life that make it special. ...those small things that could make my ordinary day, an extraordinary day! I know some days it will be obvious what "it" was, and other days I'm sure I will have to look for it. But I'm trusting it is there...I'm trusting that the Lord loves me so much that HE wants my every day to be extraordinary...it's just up to me to find it!
So, with that being said...I will start with today, although a week behind already. :) Paul started his new position with ExxonMobil tonight and the kids and I were able to go visit with my mom. She has been really sick since dad died, and to be quite honest it is sometimes hard to discern if it is truly physical or emotional. Whatever the reason, she doesn't feel well most of the time. Tonight, however, was different. She looked good and was feeling good. We so enjoyed our time together...I love to see her interact with the kids. I love to see her gently pat the kids on the shoulders, arms, or whatever she can reach ...you know, that sweet, little pat that tells them she loves them. I love to see their laughter as they relate to one another. Caleb is full of questions about when she was a little girl and she has said that tomorrow we will get the "box of pictures" down and go through them. She seems amazed at how big Bailey has gotten and how she worries over how Bailey is going to eat with all of the teeth she has lost. :) And then there is Keaton...she truly adores Keaton, and I know Keaton feels the same towards her MawMaw. They share a special bond.
The kids and I will go back and take her shopping tomorrow...as long as she is feeling well. We are even hoping to get in a picnic at the park...the kids are so excited to have MawMaw attend, and I think she is too. :) I know I am!!!
Dear Lord,
Thank you for today...a beautiful day...a day my mother felt well. Thank you for my children and the relationship she has with each of them. You know it was my prayer that my kids would be able to have the chance to really get to know her. Thank you for the simple, BEAUTIFUL evening we had with her tonight. You have blessed me so!!!!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday Dad. You would have been 80 today! Wow, that is almost unimaginable. It has been almost a year since you've been gone...that is hard for me to believe too. It has been a HARD year, in so many ways, but I think things are finally starting to level out. Relationships are starting to mend and healing has been slow...as healing always is. I sometimes wonder why God has that process in such slow motion. You know me, ...let's face it, let's heal it, and let's go. But our time table and understanding thereof, is not God's and I trust Him. Or, shall I say, I'm learning to trust Him...He does have a plan for this family...even in the event of your passing.
I think of you so often...I visit you frequently in my mind. Paul built us a great deck for our pool and you should see it. You would be so proud of him...he did it all by himself. I tried to help as much as possible, but every swing of the hammer or sound of the saw, I could not help but think of you. I know you would have been here...begging to help, as you always did when you heard he was working on a project. You were a good carpenter dad...a very good one before the age and sickness sat in. You always amazed me at how you could do math and figure out the perfect saw cut, without any education. You didn't know much about mathematical formulas, but you always came out with the correct answer. I still remember sitting at the kitchen table doing my algebra homework and you trying to explain how YOU came up with the right answer. :)
The kids miss you a lot too....and that blesses my heart. It is a confirmation to me that Paul and I did our job with making sure they had a relationship with you. It was/is different with their other grandpa, but that is okay. You were PawPaw and they had a completely different relationship with you. You still hold a special place in their hearts. Sometimes I just catch them crying and they will tell me, "I miss PawPaw." I assure them that I miss you too. And I really do...and sometimes, quite honestly, that surprises me. It just goes to prove that a parent, good or bad, has an awesome influence on a child and the generations to follow.
Well, ...happy Birthday Dad...I truly hope you are praising God right now, and I am resting in the peace that the Lord has given me, that I will see you again some day. I love you.
I think of you so often...I visit you frequently in my mind. Paul built us a great deck for our pool and you should see it. You would be so proud of him...he did it all by himself. I tried to help as much as possible, but every swing of the hammer or sound of the saw, I could not help but think of you. I know you would have been here...begging to help, as you always did when you heard he was working on a project. You were a good carpenter dad...a very good one before the age and sickness sat in. You always amazed me at how you could do math and figure out the perfect saw cut, without any education. You didn't know much about mathematical formulas, but you always came out with the correct answer. I still remember sitting at the kitchen table doing my algebra homework and you trying to explain how YOU came up with the right answer. :)
The kids miss you a lot too....and that blesses my heart. It is a confirmation to me that Paul and I did our job with making sure they had a relationship with you. It was/is different with their other grandpa, but that is okay. You were PawPaw and they had a completely different relationship with you. You still hold a special place in their hearts. Sometimes I just catch them crying and they will tell me, "I miss PawPaw." I assure them that I miss you too. And I really do...and sometimes, quite honestly, that surprises me. It just goes to prove that a parent, good or bad, has an awesome influence on a child and the generations to follow.
Well, ...happy Birthday Dad...I truly hope you are praising God right now, and I am resting in the peace that the Lord has given me, that I will see you again some day. I love you.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Looking Back
I found myself at the cemetery today...wasn't planning on going, but found myself there as a way to get to mom's house. I had no real reason to go...but felt the pull to do so. I'm so thankful it was a beautiful day...a soft breeze and lots of birds singing in the nearby trees. Definitely my dad's type of place. It would have been one of those days that I would have found him sitting out in his back yard under a tree...doing much of nothing...just sitting. The vision makes me smile.
The plot was still very recognizable...there hasn't been enough time for grass to grow on the mound. I was hoping to find something green there...some weeds at least, but found nothing of the sorts, just a mound of mud that had recently been re-topped due to settling factors. Beside the small grave marker sat a ceramic blue rooster, a small wooden cross, and three silk flowers that had fallen amidst the grouping. My siblings had made their way there many times and left mementos of my dad. I just sat there, crying.
After pulling myself together for a visit with mom, we discussed the possibility of getting a Realtor this week and get the process of selling his estate rolling. I went to visit dad's place before returning home this evening. Again, I don't know why, but there was a pulling of sorts. To my amazement, there was a sense of peace as I stood there in tears looking at everything...all of the trashed metal, delapitated out-buildings, and broken fences. I walked throughout the yard, as if yielding respect, and shut all of the open gates. Three of them were open and for whatever reason, that bothered me. Dad didn't like to have gates opened. I then walked across the front yard where a plague of memories came flooding back. The tree was there...standing strong in the middle of the yard, and the grass was so green...being well fertilized by the grazing chickens. I saw me throwing a football with Davy, Prom pictures being taken, yard jarts being played and the 5 layer human pyramid being built one Thanksgiving. As I washed the tears away and opened my eyes, they were no longer there...the tree had been taken by Hurricane Rita, and the yard now a wintery-yellow...taken over by the grass that died and now laid like hay. The steps had crumbled and were taken over by weeds. A window broken and never replaced...either due to distraction of more important things, or just by the dementia that slowly took my dad.
I really need to be ready to help mom take care of selling the estate, but quite honestly...I don't think I am. All I know is that I have to start moving forward, and in order to do that, I had to look back today.
The plot was still very recognizable...there hasn't been enough time for grass to grow on the mound. I was hoping to find something green there...some weeds at least, but found nothing of the sorts, just a mound of mud that had recently been re-topped due to settling factors. Beside the small grave marker sat a ceramic blue rooster, a small wooden cross, and three silk flowers that had fallen amidst the grouping. My siblings had made their way there many times and left mementos of my dad. I just sat there, crying.
After pulling myself together for a visit with mom, we discussed the possibility of getting a Realtor this week and get the process of selling his estate rolling. I went to visit dad's place before returning home this evening. Again, I don't know why, but there was a pulling of sorts. To my amazement, there was a sense of peace as I stood there in tears looking at everything...all of the trashed metal, delapitated out-buildings, and broken fences. I walked throughout the yard, as if yielding respect, and shut all of the open gates. Three of them were open and for whatever reason, that bothered me. Dad didn't like to have gates opened. I then walked across the front yard where a plague of memories came flooding back. The tree was there...standing strong in the middle of the yard, and the grass was so green...being well fertilized by the grazing chickens. I saw me throwing a football with Davy, Prom pictures being taken, yard jarts being played and the 5 layer human pyramid being built one Thanksgiving. As I washed the tears away and opened my eyes, they were no longer there...the tree had been taken by Hurricane Rita, and the yard now a wintery-yellow...taken over by the grass that died and now laid like hay. The steps had crumbled and were taken over by weeds. A window broken and never replaced...either due to distraction of more important things, or just by the dementia that slowly took my dad.
I really need to be ready to help mom take care of selling the estate, but quite honestly...I don't think I am. All I know is that I have to start moving forward, and in order to do that, I had to look back today.
Friday, December 25, 2009
The First
The first Christmas without dad...it was a strange day...but I guess it is supposed to be. I kept myself busy, here in Michigan, in hopes of not having a meltdown infront of my husband's family. I almost succeeded too, until I talked with Missy...I think she is finally starting to grieve and today it hit her. And so, we cried for a little and just enjoyed each other's presence, allbeit, over the phone.
Actually, I'm glad we weren't home for Christmas. I think I would have been a basket case there. Traditions were changing due to evergrowing families, locations were shuffled, Ray wasn't able to come home, mom preparing for surgery, etc....would have been too much for me to handle all at once. Yes, I'm glad we are here ...in the cold, snow, unfamiliar to the every day life for me. The kids are having a ball, and have decided they want to live back where it snows. There was snow on the ground when we arrived and we got to enjoy it for one day before eveything began to freeze. We had a winter advisory for Christmas Eve due to the ice, but then today, everything melted. It is to snow the next two days and we are hoping to take the kids sledding. Being busy with it "all being new" to the kids has helped with the grieving depression. Hearing their little voices sing and laugh help keep things in perspective for me.
So, the First Christmas has now come and gone, and I'm glad it is behind me. Yes, I was sad. Yes, I was depressed. But the fact still remains...Christmas isn't about "feelings" or family for that matter, but about a baby...born in a manger...all because of the cross to come. Yes, it was my first Christmas without my dad, but Praise God, it was his first Christmas with Jesus!!! Yes, I honestly believe that. I honestly believe, and saw, the change in my dad before the dementia completely took over. Thank you Jesus for coming to make a way for my dad to FINALLY spend a Christmas with the One it is all about. I just wished he could have experienced you here, in front of his family...with his family. Things could have been so different...but I am praising you that things are different for him now.
Actually, I'm glad we weren't home for Christmas. I think I would have been a basket case there. Traditions were changing due to evergrowing families, locations were shuffled, Ray wasn't able to come home, mom preparing for surgery, etc....would have been too much for me to handle all at once. Yes, I'm glad we are here ...in the cold, snow, unfamiliar to the every day life for me. The kids are having a ball, and have decided they want to live back where it snows. There was snow on the ground when we arrived and we got to enjoy it for one day before eveything began to freeze. We had a winter advisory for Christmas Eve due to the ice, but then today, everything melted. It is to snow the next two days and we are hoping to take the kids sledding. Being busy with it "all being new" to the kids has helped with the grieving depression. Hearing their little voices sing and laugh help keep things in perspective for me.
So, the First Christmas has now come and gone, and I'm glad it is behind me. Yes, I was sad. Yes, I was depressed. But the fact still remains...Christmas isn't about "feelings" or family for that matter, but about a baby...born in a manger...all because of the cross to come. Yes, it was my first Christmas without my dad, but Praise God, it was his first Christmas with Jesus!!! Yes, I honestly believe that. I honestly believe, and saw, the change in my dad before the dementia completely took over. Thank you Jesus for coming to make a way for my dad to FINALLY spend a Christmas with the One it is all about. I just wished he could have experienced you here, in front of his family...with his family. Things could have been so different...but I am praising you that things are different for him now.
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