samantha

January 10, 2011: Taking Time to Breathe

2011-01-10T21:20:00.001-08:00

We launch our new church campus, Calvary North, this Sunday. Chaos fills the air as the staff scurries around trying to tie up loose ends before the opening day. In the midst of the business of "the endless list of to dos" I stopped by Sonic with a dear co-worker for a "pick-me-up coke." For 15 minutes, we took a time out to just breathe...to vent some frustrations, to laugh about the stress, and to encourage one another as we know this is a great thing getting ready to happen...and to think...God wanted to bless us by putting us in the middle of it all. God has given me a great new friendship with this coworker...she is quirky, she is sincere, and above all, one of the most influential people I have ever met. Her wittiness brings laughter to me all of the time and for that...I'm grateful!

Lord, thank you for my dear friend. Bless her in her ministry. God you know she loves our church and the families that are going to fill the new facility. Thank you for giving us a moment to breathe in the midst of all of the chaos today...good chaos, but chaos nonetheless. I give thanks for calling me to work for Calvary North. I'm excited to see big dreams come true!

January 9, 2011: Sweet Husband of Mine

2011-01-09T19:41:00.000-08:00

Today was a busy, busy, day, as most of our Sunday's normally are. With Paul's new work schedule, we haven't really been able to talk much lately and I left for work while he left for a deacon's meeting. I communicated by text that mom was having some weird chest pains and was admitted to the hospital.

When I called my mother's hospital room, I found my husband there...visiting his mother-in-law. After his meeting, he had another one for work (off site) and then stopped by to see her before heading on into the plant. What a guy...I mean I didn't have to ask or prompt him. Him showing love towards my "mama" shows just how much he loves me.

Thank you Lord for giving me a husband who loves my mama. I'm so grateful that you kept us for each other. Bless him tonight as he works...keep him safe both at the plant and on his drive home. Bless him for taking time out of his busy day to share God's love with my family. He truly is one of a kind....his love alone makes everyday extraordinary!

January 8, 2011: A Skip Away!

2011-01-08T18:38:00.000-08:00

We spent the morning and early afternoon with mom...we had a wonderful time running errands for her, shopping with her, and of course dining with her. She had an enjoyable day too...something good to see and hear from her. It alone, is a blessing for today and made today special.

My extra-ordinary moment came this evening. The kids were not on their best behavior today, and I was a little put out. Okay, a LOT put out...so much, I was angry with them. I just want them to obey the first time. I get so tired of them pushing me to my limit. Hmmmm...guess I taught them how to do that. Well, if that isn't convicting! Anyway, Keaton is my child whom I butt heads with the most, probably because her will is so much like mine. She is a sweetheart, but when she is mad, she is MAD! (conviction again!) She got so mad today because all three of them had lost their privilege of going to the park-something they were so looking forward to. Her anger and attitude cost her a trip to her room where she breathed words of discontentment under her breath. After a 30-minute break she came to the kitchen a new child, asked for a drink of water, and then turned and skipped away happy as could be. Wow...if I could only change my attitude that easy. Now, this post just has conviction written all of it!!!

What made that moment so special for me was to see the innocence that comes with childhood. It seems like a hop, skip, or jump, automatically makes everything better. Those joyful moments scream of a child who is happy...a child BEING a child...a child not having to deal with the pressures of real life. A child who still has the blessings of not HAVING to grow up too fast. Life was different for me, and although I can remember some fun times, I can't remember many.

I was so blessed to see my child skipping to her destination...so blessed to see how God is so good to me!

Thank you Lord for showing me what a happy childhood looks like through the simple act of a skip. Thank you for giving us security in you. Thank you for giving us a life that allows our children to feel secure....not one that hinders them with financial worries, illness, alcohol addiction, or abandonment.
You ARE a GREAT God!

New Year...Capturing the Small Things

2011-01-08T00:47:00.000-08:00

2011. My mother says time goes by faster the older you get. That sure seems true these last couple of years. People die, friendships change, and kids grow up. Of course I've realized that maybe I'm just too busy this year, this month, this week, ...TODAY to notice all of the little things that make life worth remembering...that make it worthy of "slowing down."

This is my resolution for 2011...to take time to enjoy the small things: those small things that could be embedded in everyday life that make it special. ...those small things that could make my ordinary day, an extraordinary day! I know some days it will be obvious what "it" was, and other days I'm sure I will have to look for it. But I'm trusting it is there...I'm trusting that the Lord loves me so much that HE wants my every day to be extraordinary...it's just up to me to find it!

So, with that being said...I will start with today, although a week behind already. :) Paul started his new position with ExxonMobil tonight and the kids and I were able to go visit with my mom. She has been really sick since dad died, and to be quite honest it is sometimes hard to discern if it is truly physical or emotional. Whatever the reason, she doesn't feel well most of the time. Tonight, however, was different. She looked good and was feeling good. We so enjoyed our time together...I love to see her interact with the kids. I love to see her gently pat the kids on the shoulders, arms, or whatever she can reach ...you know, that sweet, little pat that tells them she loves them. I love to see their laughter as they relate to one another. Caleb is full of questions about when she was a little girl and she has said that tomorrow we will get the "box of pictures" down and go through them. She seems amazed at how big Bailey has gotten and how she worries over how Bailey is going to eat with all of the teeth she has lost. :) And then there is Keaton...she truly adores Keaton, and I know Keaton feels the same towards her MawMaw. They share a special bond.

The kids and I will go back and take her shopping tomorrow...as long as she is feeling well. We are even hoping to get in a picnic at the park...the kids are so excited to have MawMaw attend, and I think she is too. :) I know I am!!!

Dear Lord,

Thank you for today...a beautiful day...a day my mother felt well. Thank you for my children and the relationship she has with each of them. You know it was my prayer that my kids would be able to have the chance to really get to know her. Thank you for the simple, BEAUTIFUL evening we had with her tonight. You have blessed me so!!!!

Happy Birthday

2010-08-28T08:57:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday Dad. You would have been 80 today! Wow, that is almost unimaginable. It has been almost a year since you've been gone...that is hard for me to believe too. It has been a HARD year, in so many ways, but I think things are finally starting to level out. Relationships are starting to mend and healing has been slow...as healing always is. I sometimes wonder why God has that process in such slow motion. You know me, ...let's face it, let's heal it, and let's go. But our time table and understanding thereof, is not God's and I trust Him. Or, shall I say, I'm learning to trust Him...He does have a plan for this family...even in the event of your passing.

I think of you so often...I visit you frequently in my mind. Paul built us a great deck for our pool and you should see it. You would be so proud of him...he did it all by himself. I tried to help as much as possible, but every swing of the hammer or sound of the saw, I could not help but think of you. I know you would have been here...begging to help, as you always did when you heard he was working on a project. You were a good carpenter dad...a very good one before the age and sickness sat in. You always amazed me at how you could do math and figure out the perfect saw cut, without any education. You didn't know much about mathematical formulas, but you always came out with the correct answer. I still remember sitting at the kitchen table doing my algebra homework and you trying to explain how YOU came up with the right answer. :)

The kids miss you a lot too....and that blesses my heart. It is a confirmation to me that Paul and I did our job with making sure they had a relationship with you. It was/is different with their other grandpa, but that is okay. You were PawPaw and they had a completely different relationship with you. You still hold a special place in their hearts. Sometimes I just catch them crying and they will tell me, "I miss PawPaw." I assure them that I miss you too. And I really do...and sometimes, quite honestly, that surprises me. It just goes to prove that a parent, good or bad, has an awesome influence on a child and the generations to follow.

Well, ...happy Birthday Dad...I truly hope you are praising God right now, and I am resting in the peace that the Lord has given me, that I will see you again some day. I love you.

Looking Back

2010-01-24T19:13:00.001-08:00

I found myself at the cemetery today...wasn't planning on going, but found myself there as a way to get to mom's house. I had no real reason to go...but felt the pull to do so. I'm so thankful it was a beautiful day...a soft breeze and lots of birds singing in the nearby trees. Definitely my dad's type of place. It would have been one of those days that I would have found him sitting out in his back yard under a tree...doing much of nothing...just sitting. The vision makes me smile.

The plot was still very recognizable...there hasn't been enough time for grass to grow on the mound. I was hoping to find something green there...some weeds at least, but found nothing of the sorts, just a mound of mud that had recently been re-topped due to settling factors. Beside the small grave marker sat a ceramic blue rooster, a small wooden cross, and three silk flowers that had fallen amidst the grouping. My siblings had made their way there many times and left mementos of my dad. I just sat there, crying.

After pulling myself together for a visit with mom, we discussed the possibility of getting a Realtor this week and get the process of selling his estate rolling. I went to visit dad's place before returning home this evening. Again, I don't know why, but there was a pulling of sorts. To my amazement, there was a sense of peace as I stood there in tears looking at everything...all of the trashed metal, delapitated out-buildings, and broken fences. I walked throughout the yard, as if yielding respect, and shut all of the open gates. Three of them were open and for whatever reason, that bothered me. Dad didn't like to have gates opened. I then walked across the front yard where a plague of memories came flooding back. The tree was there...standing strong in the middle of the yard, and the grass was so green...being well fertilized by the grazing chickens. I saw me throwing a football with Davy, Prom pictures being taken, yard jarts being played and the 5 layer human pyramid being built one Thanksgiving. As I washed the tears away and opened my eyes, they were no longer there...the tree had been taken by Hurricane Rita, and the yard now a wintery-yellow...taken over by the grass that died and now laid like hay. The steps had crumbled and were taken over by weeds. A window broken and never replaced...either due to distraction of more important things, or just by the dementia that slowly took my dad.

I really need to be ready to help mom take care of selling the estate, but quite honestly...I don't think I am. All I know is that I have to start moving forward, and in order to do that, I had to look back today.

The First

2009-12-25T20:54:00.000-08:00

The first Christmas without dad...it was a strange day...but I guess it is supposed to be. I kept myself busy, here in Michigan, in hopes of not having a meltdown infront of my husband's family. I almost succeeded too, until I talked with Missy...I think she is finally starting to grieve and today it hit her. And so, we cried for a little and just enjoyed each other's presence, allbeit, over the phone.

Actually, I'm glad we weren't home for Christmas. I think I would have been a basket case there. Traditions were changing due to evergrowing families, locations were shuffled, Ray wasn't able to come home, mom preparing for surgery, etc....would have been too much for me to handle all at once. Yes, I'm glad we are here ...in the cold, snow, unfamiliar to the every day life for me. The kids are having a ball, and have decided they want to live back where it snows. There was snow on the ground when we arrived and we got to enjoy it for one day before eveything began to freeze. We had a winter advisory for Christmas Eve due to the ice, but then today, everything melted. It is to snow the next two days and we are hoping to take the kids sledding. Being busy with it "all being new" to the kids has helped with the grieving depression. Hearing their little voices sing and laugh help keep things in perspective for me.

So, the First Christmas has now come and gone, and I'm glad it is behind me. Yes, I was sad. Yes, I was depressed. But the fact still remains...Christmas isn't about "feelings" or family for that matter, but about a baby...born in a manger...all because of the cross to come. Yes, it was my first Christmas without my dad, but Praise God, it was his first Christmas with Jesus!!! Yes, I honestly believe that. I honestly believe, and saw, the change in my dad before the dementia completely took over. Thank you Jesus for coming to make a way for my dad to FINALLY spend a Christmas with the One it is all about. I just wished he could have experienced you here, in front of his family...with his family. Things could have been so different...but I am praising you that things are different for him now.

Missing Dad

2009-12-11T14:37:00.000-08:00

I should have done this earlier today...I felt IT coming on early this morning, and yet again, I swept it away and got busy so I wouldn't have to answer Grief's call at my door. Of course, I have learned that after not answering for a while, IT gets mad and slips through the front door when you're not paying attention and attacks you like an intruder. I can't do this right now...I have things to do and places to go, but IT doesn't care. IT makes me so mad at my dad and so mad at me because IT interrupts anything and everything I am doing to try not to deal with the bottom fact that I miss my dad...my gripey, dirty, smelly old dad. I miss him so much today, that I even miss the dementia. Sadly enough.

I didn't think Christmas would be this hard. He didn't like Christmas...lots of bad memories from my grandfather linger around this time of year. I praise God that I don't know about all of them, but the ones I do know makes me realize that I despise my dad's dad...and I never even knew him. I despise how he had an affect on dad, and how that had an affect on all of us. That is where my anger is coming into play. I never got presents picked out by my dad...wrapped by my dad, considered by my dad...if it weren't for mom, we wouldn't have known Christmas at all...ever. The times dad was home with us on this holiday, he was either drunk or drinking, and yelling at us all to be quiet and sit down. No, Christmas wasn't a happy time of year for us...so why am I missing him so much now? Why am I the one paying the price for the unhappiness he/they caused all those many years? It doesn't seem fair. If my dad were here, part of me thinks I would tell him that I wished he would have been a better father...to a little girl, and to the one that grew up seeing him miss out on so much. And then there is the other part of me...the one that longs to hug his boney little frame one more time and tell him how much I love him and that I am glad God chose him to be my dad. The battle that rages within me is almost too much to bare at times. I wish I could just forget the bad times even existed...that way I could only miss the good side of my dad. I wish I could just cry at this time of year because of the great, family memories that were made at Christmas.

There Grief, are you happy now...I said it. I miss him...I miss him more than I ever thought I would. I miss him more than he deserves...but I guess I just realized......

I am missing him as much as my heart wishes he deserved.

I still can see him wink, smile and give me the "OK" sign as he made that little noise he made. Merry Christmas, dad. I think you would have enjoyed this one.

A New Normal

2009-11-27T23:09:00.000-08:00

Wow, it has been a while since my last post. Dad got seriously ill in May, and the rest of the year has been nothing but a whirlwind. Dad was diagnosed with Severe Dementia with Sundowners Syndrome and was sent to live with my sister Terri. Life as we knew it was to never be the same...not for us, not for dad. Without reliving the past 7 months, let's just say dad slipped in and out of our reality and pretty much settled into his own reality, of which much of it was new every morning. During this time, I learned a lot about my father, some of it funny, some of it very disturbing. During this time, I saw forgiveness given and accepted, past hurts healed, and a few memories made. And during this time, caring for a man who no longer knew any of us or himself for that matter, created a new normal for my family...a new normal for 7 months until dad completely slipped away from us...2 weeks before his death on September 20, 2009.

Up until now this blog was used to capture a few special moments, pass around a few creative lines, and to share some laughter...all in hopes of receiving a few witty words in return. Things have changed now, and I have a new normal. This blog will no longer be used for that, but rather as an escape for me...a place of therapy...as I meet with Grief face-to-face. This will be to Sam', from Sam', as I process the many phases of grieving. This will be a safe place for me to vent my thoughts, cry, throw fits...pretty much do whatever I need to do to get myself to where I hope to be one day...celebrating a new, healthy normalcy for myself.

Questions, questions

2009-04-20T19:21:00.000-07:00

I recently had bladder surgery...a bladder suspension, but better known today as a bladder "sling." One little prick and I came home with a catheter for 5 days. Okay, you can only do so much with a plastic bag of urine hanging out of you...in hopes that 3 curious little ones don't pick up too much with what is going on.

At first, Keaton was confused...all she knew is that mommy went in to "fix her belly" (if only that were the case) and now she can't hold her babies for at least 6 weeks. This was devastating to Keaton...my little nurturer who cries every night just thinking about not being held. She woke 2 days ago with her grand idea of "holding me." Every since I came home she won't let me go 2 steps without running and grabbing my hand to "help me." She is my caregiver...so sweet.

Caleb, on the other hand, is my brave one whose lip trembled as we prayed the night before my surgery. I overheard him dishing out orders to the girls about how they were going to have to help me around the house because "mommy had something in her belly that fell!" Mind you, as he is telling this story with his hands, it looks as if my bladder fell completely to my knees. :)

And then there is Bailey...sweet, little, chatter-box Bailey. Like her brother, she can not accept yes or no answers. Here were just some of her questions...

*What's in that bag?
*Where is it coming from?
*Where does that tube go? (as she is lifting my pj leg) I simply replied...my belly
*Does it hurt?
*How far does it go in?
*Can you feel it in your belly?
*Can you go poop-poo?
*What made your belly fall? (okay, I could have many answers for this one, but I simply said that while she and her sister were in my tummy, they crowded out everything else and pushed things into places they weren't supposed to be.)...what was I to say...Everytime mommy sits, sneezes, coughs, picks you up, throws a football, talks on the phone, etc., etc., etc., she pees on herself? Could you imagine the questions that would follow that one?

These questions were never ending, and all seemed to be asked within a 3 minute time frame. I finally had to tell her to shut-up. Politely. She was making my head hurt.

And so now I am recovering, catheter free, on the couch with my three little ones gathered around like chicks. Caleb wanted to know what I did with my catheters because he thought it would be a good idea to keep them in case someone else needed them. :) :) Always thinking of service! :)

A Mom Moment

2009-02-09T16:51:00.000-08:00

This happened last Friday, but is too good to let go by without recording. Last Thursday night Caleb informs us that Friday is(was) Storybook Character day and that everyone was to dress as a storybook character. A little miffed that it is 8:30 p.m., I am trying to recall as many characters as possible. I vaguely remembered getting something in his folder a couple of days prior telling us of this special day. So at last moment, he decides to go as "Huck" Finn. Simple enough. So Friday I send my precious little Huck off to school...brown suede loafers with no socks, jeans cuffed up, a plaid shirt buttoned wrong, and of course, the straw hat. We were in a hurry that morning, (as always it seems) so I kissed him and practically pushed him out the door. Later that day Caleb comes home with his folder and a note from his teacher which simply reminds me that Character Day is Feb. 20th! :)

Poor Caleb. :) :)

God Speaks!

2009-02-08T20:39:00.000-08:00

God is so awesome!!! I have just started the Beth Moore study, Esther. Tonight after church, I was doing the last day of the study (because we meet tomorrow morning), and my niece Shantel calls. Just calls...out of the blue. The phone is handed to me in the midst of me underlining a profound line in the study...a line that wasn't completed until after my phone call. Long story short, over the phone at 9:45 p.m., Shantel gave her heart to Christ. What a moment for the both of us...I have prayed for this for so long, and I long to see Shantel's true potential that only Christ can give! Things have been tough for her, mainly due to her bad choices, and to be quite honest, I wondered if God was still working with her or not. After the phone call, I realized that I needed to finish the day's lesson, no matter how excited I was. I needed to finish underlining the sentence I left in mid-stream. This is what was underlined before the phone interruption: "...train the eyes of your heart to see how an unseen God works in similar ways in your own life experiences and remind you that He is never more present..." After the phone call, the underlining is finished with "...than when He seems strangely absent." WOW! It blew my socks off! So, may this be a reminder to those of you who have prayed and prayed and prayed for loved ones...

...that God is never more present than when He seems strangley absent.

To God be the Glory!!!

A Day in History

2009-01-21T06:09:00.001-08:00

I have to admit, I was stuck watching the Inauguration yesterday...it intrigued me to watch history being made. No matter what your views, or if you voted for Obama or not, you have to agree that yesterday was a great day for our country. The girls and I watched as he took the Oath, and they had lots of questions...like, "Why is he placing his hand on the Bible?" "Why THAT Bible?" "Is it really cold there, 'cause we see smoke coming out of their mouths?" and my favorite, "Why is she wearing THAT hat?" (referring to Aretha Franklin). Yeah, that one I couldn't answer. :) ...which brings me to the fashion of the day...

Despite the objective from my husband, I thought Michelle Obama chose the right dress for the Inauguration. I thought it was classy, and so much better than the black and red one she wore in November. Paul thought it looked like one of his grandmother's doilies. That made me laugh, and yet I stuck to my opinion. Until...I saw the dress she chose for the Ball(s). Okay...so she traded in the doilie for the crocheted dress Granny made for her porcelain dolls-toliet paper covers! What was she thinking? She is 5'11", and quiet honestly, could probably pull anything off...anything but that! Oh Michelle! (as I am commenting wearing my pjs, a sweatshirt and ball cap...but hey, I'm laundry lady today...not The First Lady!)

At the end of the day, despite the verbiage blurp, horrible ending to prayers, the President doing the "bump", and Michelle's 'What Not to Wear,' the day was truly eventful. A Day in History...a day in teaching our children that although we may not agree with values or policies, we can change the history of a country if we just do what God wants us to do...give our leaders respect and our prayers. We can't expect our children to show respect to authority if we all they hear are our degrading opinions on our new leader. I definitely agree with Huckabee when he said that we don't have to respect his morals, decisions, or policies, but we must respect and pray for our New Leader....a New Leader who may have the biggest historical influence on our children! Have you prayed for him today?

Daddy or Hero?

2009-01-12T08:52:00.000-08:00

There are so many things in my day that I take for granted...this is just one that grabbed my heart this morning. My loving husband always starts my van on his way out the door so it is defrosted and warm before we load up to take Caleb to school. A huge deal...no, but a loving act of kindness...YES. It was nice and toasty by the time we actually took Caleb to school (we were running a little late...a typical Monday). On the way home, Keaton had noticed that we had a slight freeze last night and wanted to know if it had snowed. Let's just say that trying to explain the difference between snow and frost to 2 four-year-olds is a task...I finally got them to understand a little...I think...anyway, Keaton didn't realize that Paul had warmed up the van, and so she was confused at why it was so cold outside and not inside. "Daddy loves us so much that he started our van for me so that all of us would be nice and warm this morning," I said. Her eyes grew big (she is a little animated anyway) and she said with awe..."that daddy of mine is like a HERO!" At that very moment, my heart smiled as I silently prayed a prayer of thanksgiving for Paul, and for the kind of dad he is. At almost 40, I am still learning what that kind of dad is like, and although I didn't have that kind of father to teach me what a hero should look like, I am SO THANKFUL that my kids...my girls...will know that kind of love from a daddy. And that one day, that kind of love will be revealed in how they look at our Heavenly Father. For showing them that kind of love...Paul is MY Hero. I am so blessed!

The Christmas Virus!

2008-12-27T20:49:00.001-08:00

Would you expect anything else from the Graber household? I mean, seriously? We all normally get something strange right around the time Paul is to go out of town on business, or when the inlaws come to visit. Yeah, inlaws are in, and you guessed it! Caleb slowly opens all presents, throws them to the side before even seeing what they are, and then spends most of the morning in the bathroom. His stomach is cramping so bad that we could hardly hear the holiday music for all of the "OOOOOHHHHHs!" coming from my poor sick child. Luckily, it was only the "stomach" thing and he was ready to ride his bike by the afternoon. Bailey, however, was now running a temp and saying her tummy hurt. She threw up all over our new comforter(which has to be dry cleaned) and couldn't get to the bathroom fast enough before the "stomach" part started hitting. It hit, and hit, and hit, and just slowed down tonight. Paul has been on the couch every since he helped me clean her up the first night, and now is full-fledged into the virus himself! Keaton has been congested since Christmas Eve and started screaming last night with an ear ache. Of course, I haven't gotten much sleep just because of Mommy Duty, running back and forth from bathroom to bathroom...dishing out wet wipes, tylenol, and ear medicine, and now my stomach is beginning to rumble. :) Lovely!!! The inlaws are loaded up on Vitamin C and Lysol Spray in hopes of not contracting this ugly little bug. Merry Christmas Grabers!

SNOW in TEXAS!

2008-12-12T06:49:00.000-08:00

Yes, you heard right. I can't believe it either, but it happened...finally happened. We woke to 3-4 inches of snow yesterday. For those of you not from this area, you have to understand that this just does NOT happen where we live. If the weathermen do say something related to the "S" word, they are in major trouble because the news station's phone lines will be busy all day. Honestly, they don't actually say "SNOW," but they say, "there is a slight possibility of the 's' word". Funny. Well anyway, their forecast was right on yesterday. However, they said that it would be just a light dusting, and that it would melt off by morning. Wrong! It didn't completely leave until 1:30 and we had a day full of making memories. The whole neighborhood was out by 6:15 a.m...children and adults, as well, all throwing snowballs and making snowmen! What a sight it was. We went through 4 changes of wet clothes, because you know we will all be sick, and so I have lots of extra laundry today. But, it was well worth it. Makes me miss the Chicago area even more. We will take 3-4 inches ANY time. There is a Santa after all!

Bailey's gift

2008-12-04T18:19:00.000-08:00

I just love the "Holly" station on our XM radio. We have listened to it quite a bit here lately. Caleb and I had a deep discussion, (as accustomed with Caleb) when he realized that the little drummer boy had nothing to bring to baby Jesus. The girls were with us at the time, and through all of the bickering between them, they must have listen too. Yesterday, I overheard Bailey singing...she was in the living room just playing as if she were in her own little world and singing her own rendition of "Little Drummer Boy."

This is what I heard...

"...this gift I bring to you, Barack-O-Bama." :)

I laughed so hard that I cried! It has been the topic of conversation today. With that, I hope this isn't the verse that gets stuck in your head like it is in mine.

Thanksgiving in Texas

2008-11-30T18:29:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving with the Clampets! (For you HeeHaw fans...that is for you!) Here is my beloved family of nephews, nieces, great-nephews, and great-nieces...the only shot we got that tears were not falling, fingers were not picking, and mouths were not opening! This photo makes my heart smile...and just to think-this is just the 2nd and 3rd "wave" of grandkids. I actually have 4 more nephews, 1 niece, and 1 great niece that are considered the "first wave." I am so excited that my kids are getting to know their cousins...something I never did. As you can tell, Caleb is wet with sweat (it was a high of 79) and they are all a little dirty from running and playing soccer. They all enjoy each other very much and get along relatively well. We all had a great time watching them!
Here we have my dear dad with my great-nephew Carston. Dad was doing well to make it to dinner, but I think he enjoyed himself, and especially this little guy. Carston loves his PawPaw, and carries on a conversation with my dementiaed father like they both understand exactly what the other one is saying. Although it is very sad to see, it is also heart-warming and almost funny. You know me...I have to look for the humor in this or it would drive me crazy!

Okay, here is my silly mom...hmmm, wonder where I get it from? And Pixey, of course! Pixey is just like family and gives mom great company!

Although I so miss the chilly weather of the Midwest, I am very blessed to spend this holiday with my family...no matter how crazy we all are! :) Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving too!

Just Another Day

2008-11-23T21:23:00.000-08:00

On our way to church this morning, we saw an accident that involved a friend of ours. Well, he is actually the child of a friend of ours, but our friend nonetheless. Everyone was gone from the scene except cops waiting for tow-trucks to remove the mangled vehicles. Our friend drives a big, heavy truck, and I just knew it was Casey's when I saw it...something in the pit of my stomach just knew. Paul and I were releaved to see he an his mom at church, only to find out that it was indeed his truck and that the driver of the other car was killed. My heart broke with the realization that Casey will always live with the guilt, although beit not his fault, and will always remember the images he saw of the other driver. Casey is only 17, and carries the weight of the world on his shoulders already. I'm afraid that this now may be too much for him. My heart also broke for the family who received the phone call about their loved one. To the driver of that car, today was probably just another day...another day to go to church, or to work, or to wherever he was on his way. All day, I've wrestled with the nagging thought of how we take our days for granted. Most of us just had a normal Sunday today...going about our Sunday routines of church, lunch, naps, etc., and yet in the midst of our normal Sunday, someone received that dreaded call. Someone woke up thinking today was going to be just another day. Someone was taking his normal drive to church. Someone saw images that will haunt him for a lifetime. Someone never returned home.

Oh Lord, please forgive me for taking my days for granted! I'm so guilty! Please help me to live each day, and not to just fill it with my "list of to dos." Help me not live with regret any longer. Please be with Casey and the other family that was so greatly effected by this accident. Help Paul and I know how to minister to Casey during this time. Thank you for my day! Thank you for just another day!

What's 9 years?

2008-11-12T21:23:00.000-08:00

Paul and I will be married 9 years tomorrow. Wow, 9 years! I'm smiling already just thinking back on what has filled those years...the laughter, the tears, the hotlinks! For a while, I think the Hunts thought that was the only thing we knew how to make for dinner! :)

It is amazing how God brings two very different people, from two very different backgrounds, together to make one blessed union. I mean, who else could take an artist and an engineer and create eternal soul mates? Oh, we were two very different people then...learning to come together as one...learning to share the checkbook, learning to actually swallow the heart-felt dinner, learning to sleep together, learning to fight, learning to load the dishwasher, and of course, learning where the canned peaches "should go." Learning that there are different ways of doing things, and admitting that doing it differently is okay. Learning that weird family quirks make up the one we love so dearly, only to realize later that the one most desirable thing that attracted you in the beginning is the one thing you despise the most now. Oh, what a tangle web we weave! :)

Nine years into this thing, I still see two very different people, from two very different backgrounds, making one blessed union. It can't be summed up any better than this:

My day as Cinderella,
rice stuck EVERYWHERE,
a cabin in the mountains,
the unforgettable honeymoon body rash,
calamine lotion,
a moose in downtown,
sleeping deer,
LAMA!
cross-country in a rodeo,
Mt. Rushmore,
an Aspen leaf,
the Black Hills,
my first snowman!
"I miss being Samantha Ingram!"
Brett Lane-our first home, and still my favorite
Sidewalks and Garage!!!
two pink lines,
a transfer to Chicago,
a basement!...not just for tornadoes
snowflakes as big as quarters
a brain tumor and a miracle!!!!!!!!
MidWest weather
two heartbeats,
no more silence,
Grandpa Munster,
ankle braces and a miracle!!!!!!!
the Lion King,
moving back to Texas,
building a home,
a broken arm,
biopsies, and surgeries and frozen peas for both of us!
Rita, Gustav, and Ike,
the growth of hair, the loss of hair
learning to swim, and the believing that I could do it

the list goes on and on! All of that to say, we ARE becoming one, but we are still learning how to do it...sharing finances, still trying to swallow some of those brilliant recipes and then laughing as we call for pizza. We are still learning how to sleep together...well, for me anyway, as I sit here blogging. Yes, we are still learning how to fight...ie. the reason we didn't sleep together last night. We've come to realize that as long as the dishes get clean, we don't care how the dishwasher is loaded, and that in the big scheme of things, it really DOESN'T matter where the canned peaches go. We've come to laugh at our families, with all due love and respect, and fearfully realize we are mini-mes of Nelson and Doris Jean. All of that in nine years!

Every year I watch our wedding video, and laugh and cry, and enjoy every moment of it. The very best part of it though is reliving the "feeling" of being Cinderella once again...if only for a brief moment before I starkly wake to the reality that Cinderella just stepped in the spilled juice that she forgot to mop up earlier that day. "Ah, to be Cinderella!" How blessed I am that after 9 years, the snorer in the next room is still my Prince Charming. I wouldn't change it for the world! Here is to many, many more!!! I love you Paul! Happy Anniversary!

Not my husband!

2008-10-28T20:40:00.000-07:00

Okay, for those of you wondering who the passenger was in my previous post, please know that it was not my husband. Paul is extremely sensitive and would have addressed the issue differently. See...here I go again with that mother hen thing. :)

From Basketball to Jail

2008-10-28T20:01:00.000-07:00

Tonight Caleb informed us that HE needs to vote next week. I was quite surprised at his topic of conversation...this all happening coming home from dinner and open house at his school.

"What's that guy's name again?" he asked.

"McCain?" I answered. Only to hear a reply of, "No mom, the other guy...I know who John McCain is." (Well, excuse me!!!) "Barack Obama?"

"Yeah, that's him. I'm going to vote for him."

Okay, now my curiosity was in full swing. Of course, this mother hen gets her feathers ruffled just thinking of how someone may be persuading my kid on political issues, yada, yada, yada.

"Tell me why you are voting for Obama, Caleb."

"Because he plays basketball when he is bored. And he didn't go to jail."

"Well McCain didn't go to jail either."....only to hear a defensive little boy tell me he most certainly did. Then I realized this was his interpretation of a P.O.W.

Wow. Talking about an interesting discussion on the way home!!! After clarifying "jail" to him, I told him that we shouldn't vote on a person if they can play basketball, fight in a war, or what they look like. It shouldn't be because they are a man or a woman, but to vote only how God would have us vote...being to only vote for the person who best believes what guidelines the Bible has. I was trying to be very careful about which "moral subject" to address when another passenger says, "one who believes that killing babies are wrong." Okay, I would have gotten to that issue, but now my son is freaked out that someone wants to kill babies...babies that are in 'their mommy's tummy, and they die, but not the mommy, and it is a bad doctor who helps with that, and how do they do that', and on and on and on. For those of you who know Caleb, you can imagine all of his questions.

Let's just say...my head hurts now. :)

So with that, I urge everyone to go vote next week. I would say vote with your head, but I know we don't ask for wisdom like we should,...I know I don't anyway. I would say vote with your heart, but I know our hearts are sinful. So you must vote with Biblical guidelines. In the end, God isn't going to care about what we thought, or about how we felt...but rather if we were obedient in keeping His word.

"Mama's Cafe"

2008-10-19T19:01:00.000-07:00

The kids are really into pretending these days and to make a long story short, I looked out to see and hear them(since our windows were raised due to the nice weather) sitting at their picnic table, pretending to order from a waitress. You should have seen their faces when "Cricket" walks out with a pad and pencil to welcome them to "Mama's Cafe," a small, yet quaint, hole in the wall created in Montana. It took them no time to jump into character...all 3 weary travelers full of their own story...one from Chicago, one little mama from Houston who had babies to take care of, and the other one from Texas as well. When I asked Bailey, I mean Sally, what part of Texas she was from, she sipped her water and said, "the middle." :) You should have heard the very creative, detailed lives of these three. It blessed my heart so much that we played for hours. I was really amazed at their imaginations. More amazed to be waken early this morning by my 6 year old asking if we could play "Mama's Cafe" again. It made me smile and tear up to realize just how much they want my attention and my interaction. What is even sadder is that is what God wants from me too. Ouch...who needed a sermon today, ...especially when you have 3 weary travelers stopping by for a bite to eat!

Different Stages

2008-10-15T21:16:00.001-07:00

Wow...what a day. I recently picked up watching a 9 month old little boy for a girlfriend who just started teaching. His name is Beau and his story is beautiful. Our friends added him to their family a couple of months ago. Beau is biracial-half black and half Puerto Rican...yes, he has amazing skin! His story is to be very special...a Christian doctor talked a young, raped, mother out of aborting him, and well...he is here today. He is now in a Christian home with a vivacious older sister and two parents who love him dearly. I get the pleasure of enjoying the 9 months+ stages all over again. I am sad to say that I really don't remember those stages with my girls. I guess with two of them, I was just trying to half-way survive all of the diapers, bottles, cries, spit-ups, ...you get the picture. Of course, I remember Caleb's, but that is no surprise since he is the first child. We all know how "the first child thing" goes. ...the first smile, the first word, the first crawl, the first walk, the list goes on and on. From picking up rocks on a snowy day, (only to later realize they were rabbit poop) to biting Jackson, over and over, and over again. Ah, let's not forget the Rotavirus, the first climb up the stairs, the first time to eat solids, the first time to suck his thumb. :) Erin will never forget the first time he poured his oatmeal over his head!

But now that I am really thinking about it, I do remember some of the girl's first. The first time Bailey walked (well, it was more like a run. hmmm...go figure!) The first time she crawled out of her crib and out her bedroom door that was at the top of the stairs. The first time she broke her arm. ...I'm seeing a trend here. Then there is Keat. I remember the first time I realized that Keaton couldn't stand on her own, the first time she walked with her braces, that awful "Hand,Foot, & Mouth" virus that actually lead to her legs healing, and the very first time she ran! Today, she actually runs better than either of her siblings.

Of course, I remember some of the not so good moments, but I guess if we didn't have those, we wouldn't realize what the good ones were. So I guess, I shouldn't be too hard on myself. I am enjoying their stage NOW...Caleb losing teeth, Bailey riding without training wheels, and Keaton singing/screaming "How Great is Our God."

You know,...it may not be as much as not remembering as it is taking the time out to recall the moments. I think that is what I am going to do with Beau...every new phase with him, I will take the time to remember those time with my own children. How blessed can I be to relive them twice!

All in a Day's Work

2008-09-30T14:05:00.001-07:00

As we are STILL waiting on Bailey's latest diagnosis, I am up to my ears in laundry, cooking, and the typical house cleaning. When your child has some weird infection of the bowel...you freak, grab the can of Lysol and before you know it, your other kids are high on fumes. (but hey, the house smells clean!)

All the while, I am trying to treat myself to some type of normalcy and blog a little when I hear..."mom, can you wipe me?!?" And now the treat becomes a trick!

Ah, the joys of motherhood...all in a day's work!

Out of the Mouth of Babes!

2008-09-30T13:53:00.000-07:00

What did we ever do before children? I mean, really! Our lives are so blessed by these little blessings-of-God, make-me-pull-my-hair-out, screamers, boo-boo producing angels!!! Just the other night at dinner we asked Caleb to pray. Of course we are against memorized prayers and encourage all of them to pray from their heart. Being that Bailey has been sick, Paul and I bowed our heads, assuming that he would be thankful for the meal and possibly ask for healing for his sister. Oh no...that must not have been on his heart because this is what he prayed...

Yes, he prayed for the food, and then he asked prayer for all of his indians. (Paul and I both squint an eye open and look at each other for some kind of confused confirmation.)

"...and God, I pray for all of my indians, because in the Bible, you say to pray for our indians."

We smile and instruct him that the correct word is enemies, but God wants us to pray for Indians, too! Oh, it made our hearts smile. Paul immediately said that I had to tell Hetal! So our dear friend, Hetal...this one is for you!

Power is On!

2008-09-18T21:48:00.000-07:00

Most of my family received power last night, (only after I had finished all but one load of laundry)! Patty had some major damage to her home and due to the water still in it, she can not turn her electricity on at the moment. Ray is still without power in Houston, but hears that it may come up by Monday. Lumberton school is scheduled to resume next Wednesday, and so hopefully a routine will be established once again. As for now, we are just chillin' out and enjoying this MidWestern weather God has sent our way in the midst of the power outages. I hope people can truly see what a miracle that is...we were in the high 90s the week prior to Hurricane Ike, and expect to be back there in a week or so. Hopefully everyone will have power to chill themselves by then. Thank you God for cool breezes!

Graber Laundry Service

2008-09-17T21:53:00.000-07:00

After praying about what I could possibly do to help our family out while their power is still off, God gave me an answer of practicality. One that I may add, is not my favorite thing to do, but nonetheless,...their laundry. (Like I don't do enough laundry the way it is.) And so with that, I took my happy little self on a laundry run and gathered laundry from dad, Terri, Shan (and her family) and Davy (and his family.) Let's just say, lots of laundry! But it is something I can do that will meet a practical need of theirs, and one that they've allowed me to do. They don't ask for much, so I know allowing me to take and do it was a big step for some of them. And so it goes...still no power in Evadale and most of the towns around us. Praise God for the cool weather, for the dry weather! Just another little blessing in the midst of the chaos!

The Simple Life

2008-09-15T19:21:00.000-07:00

Starting to engage in life again after a hurricane is very eye-opening. We forget how much we take for granted...from having a secure house over our head, to the convenience of going to Wal-Mart and finding any kind of food we want. We have running water, gas stations are at our disposal on every corner, and time never seems to be too much of a factor when we really need, or shall I say, want something.

We are blessed to be some of the residents who have power and running water...and quite honestly, without seeing debris and mangled storage buildings throughout our neighborhood, you really can't tell our area was the recipient of Ike. You really can't tell things are all that different until you notice all of the children playing in the streets, and neighbors standing out visiting with one another. No one is worried about schedules, clothes or makeup for that matter, and what they "should be doing." Things are very simple here now...people coming together like communities used to in the days of when front porches were actually a priceless commodity to a home. I stood in line today to enter Wal-Mart...we were backed up outside from one set of doors to the other...all waiting our turn to ransack the store of those things we think we may need in the near future. The employees were handing out bottled water to Lumberton residents and those from neighboring towns, as this Wal-Mart was the only one opened. Everyone seemed to have gas cans in their carts as they patiently waited to see if any more milk was going to be put out. I was amazed at how much talking was going on...people were actually talking to one another...as if to be bonding in this "thing" that brought us all together. Time was actually on our side for once, as there was no real hurry to do anything or to go anywhere...(as if you could anyway without power) you just had to wait your turn. I actually met a very nice man who was explaining that he needed a chain for his saw before he could begin his clean up recovery. I would not have met this man, of name I do not know, on any regular day. He would have been too busy. I would have been too busy. But today...life is simple. And today, life is good. As much as I would like to get back to our family's routine, I hope the hustle and bustle doesn't consume us too soon.

Hurricane Ike

2008-09-14T22:55:00.000-07:00

Hurricane Ike hit yesterday leaving a path of devastation for our coastal area. Once again, I ask myself why we choose to live on the Gulf Coast, only to reiterate that this is where God has us for now. Period. And so the blog goes...

Being submissive is sometimes a challenge for me, but I yearn to trust Paul in his decisions to lead our family in all areas of life. Thus, two weeks ago we made a 19 hour trip to Michigan to evacuate Hurricane Gustav (that is fun to say), only to have Paul return back to work immediately. After "vacationing", the kids and I returned home last Sunday...worn and weary only to have to regroup and prepare for another evacuation. This time, however, Paul did not feel the need to leave and I just prayed that God would speak to him in ways that he could understand on what direction our family should take with this storm. Being from the Mid West, I was caught in a couple of tornadoes as a kid that have traumatized me to this day. Seriously, a July thunderstorm has me running around our Texas home screaming, "where is the basement!?!" So it is totally understandable for me to see a hurricane 650 miles away and want to evacuate,... yesterday! Well, I realized this "submissive" thing kind of stinks from time to time and I bit the bullet and stayed to ride the storm out here. I've come to realize in the last few days that not only do Texans use the words "hunker down," but now I UNDERSTAND what that means.

We put the kids to bed in our room because we were "having a special slumber party in mommy's room" around 9:00 p.m. Nothing short of answered prayers, all 3 kids slept undisturbed until 6 a.m. PRAISE GOD! I did not want them to hear the storm coming through, or feel the energy that Ike brought with him. I know that sounds new-agey, but anyone who has ever "hunkered down" through a hurricane knows what that means. I was so afraid that little Keaton would wake in the middle of it. Unfortunately, she is like her mama and the sight of rain makes this child tremble. I was even more afraid that she would wake and see me in a corner, rocking in the fetal position, and hitting my head against the wall, all the while screaming, "find a happy place, Find a Happy Place, FIND A HAPPY PLACE!!!" (yes, another answered prayer.)
But on a serious note, God really showed Himself faithful to us that night...so many little blessings in the midst of all of the chaos. I was terrified once the wind started to hit, and I chewed every nail off and then some, but God had me so exhausted from the previous weeks of evacuating and traveling so much, that I had no other choice but to give in and fall asleep. Paul and I seemed to take turns sleeping when we could, but then the really bad part hit and sleeping was over. Although it wasn't as bad as what I was expecting, it was bad enough, and let's just say Paul and I have "agreed" that we will never hunker down again!

Yes, Mother Nature is nothing to mess with...she isn't invited to anymore special slumber parties at my house! A house that wasn't damaged in the least little bit...bless God! He IS GOOD!